My pitiful attempt at being funny=
The Concise Spotters' Guide to Toffs, Tory voters and other upperclass chaps:
PART ONE
Toffs:
Definition-
What is a toff? "Toff" is simply short for "Toffee nosed grossly overpaid snob". Toffs enjoy fox hunting, classic music and shooting poor defensless birds.
Appearance-
Adult male toffs usually consist of gentlemen of tall or short stature wearing usually beige tweed trousers, a white shirt, black tie, a beige tweed jacked and have a carnation in their top jacket pocket. Other variations will have the suit as blue. Adult male toffs also have a bald head with hair on the sides or back and a whopping great big handlebar moustache. Their hair colour is either grey or reddish brown. They wear a monacle.
The Adult females are usually slim or built up. They wear long silk dresses and carry a tiny handbag. They can be seen wearing a flower in their hair too. Their dresses can either be white, cream, gold or blue. When outside they wear fur coats, much to the chargrin of animal-rights charities. Their hair colour can vary, usually it's blond, black or grey.
Young toffs are VERY different from their parents. Young males aged 0- 7 are usually dressed in sailors suits. Young males aged 8- 21 are usually seen in tweed suits with boater hats. Young females aged 0- 7 are also usually dressed in sailor suits. Young females aged 8- 21 are usually seen in white dresses, wearing hats with fruit on them.
Behaviour-
Toffs are very aloof and austere. They always think that they're better than everyone else and won't admit mistakes. They're even mean to the local vicar! The kids are the worst but they often found themselves the target of liberals, chavs, anarchists, Greenpeace Activists, the RSPCA and communists. The same goes for the adults to a limited degree.
They like to listen to work of mozarts and play snooker. Toffs rarely vote mainly because they think that even the Conservative party's economic policies are right-wing enough. They are proud to be British and take a very bad attitude to foreign goods. Some toffs have been known NOT to inbreed.
Favourite TV Show(s)- They don't watch the TV. Instead they listen to either BBC Radio 3, 4 or Classic FM.
Favourite Food/Drink- Venison and red wine.
Favourite Book- War and Peace and the works of Charles Dickens and Shakespeare.
Pastimes- Hunting, shooting, socialising at the golf club or showing off their new Rolls Royces or Daimlers. Also they like to complain about taxes- they want them lowered, not abolished. Toffs are happiest when they're complaining about something.
Habitat- Giant Mansions with garages the size of Buckingham Palace.
The Concise Spotters' Guide to Toffs, Tory voters and other upperclass chaps:
PART ONE
Toffs:
Definition-
What is a toff? "Toff" is simply short for "Toffee nosed grossly overpaid snob". Toffs enjoy fox hunting, classic music and shooting poor defensless birds.
Appearance-
Adult male toffs usually consist of gentlemen of tall or short stature wearing usually beige tweed trousers, a white shirt, black tie, a beige tweed jacked and have a carnation in their top jacket pocket. Other variations will have the suit as blue. Adult male toffs also have a bald head with hair on the sides or back and a whopping great big handlebar moustache. Their hair colour is either grey or reddish brown. They wear a monacle.
The Adult females are usually slim or built up. They wear long silk dresses and carry a tiny handbag. They can be seen wearing a flower in their hair too. Their dresses can either be white, cream, gold or blue. When outside they wear fur coats, much to the chargrin of animal-rights charities. Their hair colour can vary, usually it's blond, black or grey.
Young toffs are VERY different from their parents. Young males aged 0- 7 are usually dressed in sailors suits. Young males aged 8- 21 are usually seen in tweed suits with boater hats. Young females aged 0- 7 are also usually dressed in sailor suits. Young females aged 8- 21 are usually seen in white dresses, wearing hats with fruit on them.
Behaviour-
Toffs are very aloof and austere. They always think that they're better than everyone else and won't admit mistakes. They're even mean to the local vicar! The kids are the worst but they often found themselves the target of liberals, chavs, anarchists, Greenpeace Activists, the RSPCA and communists. The same goes for the adults to a limited degree.
They like to listen to work of mozarts and play snooker. Toffs rarely vote mainly because they think that even the Conservative party's economic policies are right-wing enough. They are proud to be British and take a very bad attitude to foreign goods. Some toffs have been known NOT to inbreed.
Favourite TV Show(s)- They don't watch the TV. Instead they listen to either BBC Radio 3, 4 or Classic FM.
Favourite Food/Drink- Venison and red wine.
Favourite Book- War and Peace and the works of Charles Dickens and Shakespeare.
Pastimes- Hunting, shooting, socialising at the golf club or showing off their new Rolls Royces or Daimlers. Also they like to complain about taxes- they want them lowered, not abolished. Toffs are happiest when they're complaining about something.
Habitat- Giant Mansions with garages the size of Buckingham Palace.
posted by Number Seven at 2:55 PM
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